Week 11
So, big week. I went to a public talk about transgender issues in our community hosted by the local university as myself. Did not dress up as my alter male ego. It was good to get out and be seen.
I had an off day on Thursday. I repaired a broken sink disposal as a male. During the repair process, I snapped at my wife in an unkind way. I was NOT nice. In fact, I am quite embarrassed to disclose that I behaved in such a way. However, knowing that it cannot be unsaid, nor will it be forgiven, it most certainly will not be forgotten. So I think I need to start preparing for a much more immediate separation. Perhaps not until we close on the new rental house in 3 weeks.
This morning (Friday, 4/12), I was uninvited from my wife's niece's wedding. I will not get to see my daughters attend their first wedding in dresses. My younger daughter is the flower girl and my older daughter is a brides maid. I am sure they will be beautiful, but I will not get to see them until I get pictures from... well.. I guess my in laws MIGHT be willing to share them. My wife and I are presently on the outs. Quite a tough time in our relationship.
Writing about this helps a little, but the overwhelming emotional state is DOWN. I am not at my worst, but it sure is close.
Last month, I was a pall bearer at my best friends fathers funeral. It was a miserably rainy day, perfect funeral weather. I was asked to stand in a perfectly wonderful patch of Carolina Red Clay, freshly dug from the grave site. I did my duty for my best friend's father, and perhaps one of my favorite male role models as an adolescent teen. Happy to do it, but I can't help lamenting spending money having my shoes shined for this wedding only to not even get to go. I tipped generously, so the whole thing cost me $20. That equates to about 5 articles of thrift store clothing for Kathleen to wear! :-) I guess I can still smile, even on a crappy day like today.
EDIT: I was re-invited to the wedding, I suppose only to keep her family from questioning her too intensely for the duration of this gathering. I suspect also, that she is confiding in at least a couple of her sisters at this stage. Even though she promised to let me "tell my own story" to family and friends... I still hope she means that, in spite of her telling two of her friends without my knowledge prior to the disclosure.
I had an off day on Thursday. I repaired a broken sink disposal as a male. During the repair process, I snapped at my wife in an unkind way. I was NOT nice. In fact, I am quite embarrassed to disclose that I behaved in such a way. However, knowing that it cannot be unsaid, nor will it be forgiven, it most certainly will not be forgotten. So I think I need to start preparing for a much more immediate separation. Perhaps not until we close on the new rental house in 3 weeks.
This morning (Friday, 4/12), I was uninvited from my wife's niece's wedding. I will not get to see my daughters attend their first wedding in dresses. My younger daughter is the flower girl and my older daughter is a brides maid. I am sure they will be beautiful, but I will not get to see them until I get pictures from... well.. I guess my in laws MIGHT be willing to share them. My wife and I are presently on the outs. Quite a tough time in our relationship.
Writing about this helps a little, but the overwhelming emotional state is DOWN. I am not at my worst, but it sure is close.
Last month, I was a pall bearer at my best friends fathers funeral. It was a miserably rainy day, perfect funeral weather. I was asked to stand in a perfectly wonderful patch of Carolina Red Clay, freshly dug from the grave site. I did my duty for my best friend's father, and perhaps one of my favorite male role models as an adolescent teen. Happy to do it, but I can't help lamenting spending money having my shoes shined for this wedding only to not even get to go. I tipped generously, so the whole thing cost me $20. That equates to about 5 articles of thrift store clothing for Kathleen to wear! :-) I guess I can still smile, even on a crappy day like today.
EDIT: I was re-invited to the wedding, I suppose only to keep her family from questioning her too intensely for the duration of this gathering. I suspect also, that she is confiding in at least a couple of her sisters at this stage. Even though she promised to let me "tell my own story" to family and friends... I still hope she means that, in spite of her telling two of her friends without my knowledge prior to the disclosure.
Comments
Post a Comment