Week 7

A week of ups and downs.

First, the Downs: My wife seems more distant now than ever, my kids spotted "eye makeup" I thought I had removed (in fact I did, but I rubber my eye raw so the rawness looked like makeup! but my lack of confidence gave me away.)  I can't win sometimes.  My wife wants to vacation without me.

Ups, I have felt happy just to be alive.  Maybe this is what people feel like who are not depressed all the time?  Or is it mania?  Have I overcorrected?  I've lived with the weight of gender dysphoria for so long, I may not have a clue what "normal" is!  I am going to accept the joy as normal for now, understanding that I may be setting myself up for a huge letdown in the future.  But for now, anyway, I am happy.

I keep building up my wardrobe and developing a look; MY look.  MY sense of style... I giggle a bit when I think about "transwomen style" because we all seem to gravitate toward, and give too much credence to the styles our mothers and grandmothers had from our past, so we get a double dose of antiquated/outdated/outmoded/etc.  I am SURE I am similar.  I will start posting pictures of this transition as I feel comfortable that it is going somewhere NOT embarrassing.